"Yo Scott, I was wondering: You say you're awesome 100% of the time, but what about when you sleep, or when nobody's around?"
~Nat
Hey Nat. Great question, dickwad.
Listen. While I'm sleeping, I breathe in Carbon Dioxide and exhale Oxygen. Tons of it. I'm the only reason we still have enough air to survive on this planet.
Also, when you're as awesome as me, you don't have to be present to impose your awesomeness on others. Check it: When I take a few days off of work to do whatever the fuck I want, (and nobody argues because they know I can do whatever the fuck I want) I make sure to leave several books on my desk that are way over the head of everyone else. I'm talking about shit that only a few of them will ever read in their lives. And nobody else in the room has definitely read ALL of them. Therefore I am automatically much more badass than any of them. I don't even have to be there. People just go, "Oh Scott is not at work today, I guess I'm the smartest person in the world now! Wait, what's this, Sigmund Freud's 'The Psychopathology of Everyday Life'? Holy shit, I'm such a douche." That's the stuff. Just when they get comfortable, BAM: The Odyssey.
I don't even know how to read.
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