"Hey Scott, huge fan. I wanted to ask you how you got to be so awesome. Any advice for someone trying to get as awesome as you?"
~Jaron
Well Jaron, the first thing you should know is that you will never, ever achieve the level of awesome that I have. It simply cannot happen. Once you have accepted this, get a master's degree. This is a critical step. This achievement is not so much for the sake of having tons of awesome knowledge at your disposal, but more for rubbing in people's faces. Now that you've established who's top dog, make sure you're wearing awesome clothes. Awesome patchy jackets and suspenders are a great way to say, "Hey, I'm pulling this off. Can you? I didn't think so." Whenever you can, be smoking cigars - but don't light them until people are around. Then light money on fire and light your cigar with the money. When people are no longer around, put out your cigar so you can save the rest to re-light when more people are around. Part of being awesome is being awesomely frugal. Finally, remember to be bettering yourself every day. Nobody's perfect - except me - so keep learning and growing in any way except reading. Reading is overrated.
If anybody ever gives you any shit, you kick them straight in the taint. I live by this rule.
Who knows, one day you might become half as awesome as me.
~THE SNEWT
when I find you, I will kill you.
ReplyDeleteDad.
I mean dead.